U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Bring me that man meat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
