she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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