remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
