dude i'm inner monologue high
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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