Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
