Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
