Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
