just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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