Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
