Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
