She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
