wake up i wanna do it froggy style
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Just pee around me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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