Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
