Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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