i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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