my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
