you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In other news, I just burned my penis
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
