Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
