Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
