shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Two words: blizzard sex
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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