I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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