you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
