So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
