i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
