i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
