I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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