we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
