Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
