Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
