I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
