either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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