so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
