whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
we're so committed to being not committed
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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