btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize