Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
