yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
