Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
