im about as happy as oj after his trial
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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