you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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