I am in a vortex of obligation.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
