a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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