i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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