complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
