OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
