drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
