Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
