I wish I could teleport
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
