I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
