I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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