I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need a beard to bite.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize