i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
